hello, my name is murphy…

do you ever have one of those days where you probably should have just stayed in bed? welcome to my day…

now listen, i’m not really a whiner but how much can one take when one is already in a bad mood OR because i’m in a bad mood, did i bring the negative energy on? whatever…i’m still murphy either way. it’s days like this that make me want to stay in bed and pull the covers up and wake up next month (which incidentally is tomorrow)….things i learned about being murphy are don’t say or do certain things to someone having that type of day

here are the certain things:

1. is it that time of the month?
2. did you take your happy pills?
3. calm down (that’s a big one).
4. have you spoken to your counselor lately (this one obviously only applies in the event that you have a counselor).
5. laugh out loud when lost keys get spiked into the garage floor.

saying even just one of these things will not get you in the good graces of murphy and will most likely put you on their shit list which is growing geometrically every hour.

some suggestions of things to say or do to murphy instead:

1. you are not clumsy (fat, stupid, ugly…insert appropriate adjective here).
2. you’re adorable (works every time on me).
3. i know,honey…you’re right.
4. agree, agree, agree (even if you don’t agree).
5. do not move quickly toward murphy (he/ she may lash out).

with that being said, there are still several hours left in the day so i’ll share more if and when something happens. for the time being, leave this post knowing that you are armed with the tools to keep you safe and in the clear should you happen to interact with a murphy.

reality tv for christians?

i’ll admit it…i watched a lot of reality tv lately and it all has the same basic formula. you have 10 strangers…a diverse group usually, men, women, gays, all ethnicities…anyway, they all have a common interest or talent and it dawned on me. what about a reality tv show for the best christian?

i have it all pictured in my mind. a televangelist (doesn’t matter; you pick one) would be the host. the contestants would be from all denominations and we could throw in an atheist for good measure. they’d participate in quick fire challenges and that only means that they would be tempted by the devil to see how long they could last. for instance, the first quick fire challenge could be to see who does give into some temptation posed by the devil. the loser burns in the fire of hell.

for the final challenge they all have to enter some challenge like “wwjd?” the panel of judges is the trinity and some guest christian who has not been found to be texting lewd pictures, meeting men in airport urinals or some other sin that they have more than likely condemned some other less than perfect christian…yet. the son will tell all the finalists what they did wrong and then look over to the father to pick the worst christian. the worst christian then tells the holy trinity that they made a mistake and they don’t know what they’re talking about right before he or she is damned to hell forever. the best christian gets announced and mind you, the others can’t be jealous because that just wouldn’t be christian. they all sing a song of praise and go back to the loft and read the bible until all hours of the night.

the end.

it could happen…

 

but wait, there’s more…

more? there hasn’t been any…what the heck are you talking about?

yes, there hasn’t been any in a while BUT i have a good reason. i recently finished a journey i embarked on 2 years ago….i finally got my bachelor’s degree. i completed a 4 year degree in a mere 27 years (go ahead and do the math, you bastards). NOW i am taking a much needed break and have about 2 months off before i start on my master’s. SO, that’s where i’ve been.

so wait…there’s more…2 years and a degree later and i still find myself having a bit of trouble deciding what i want to be when i grow up (will i ever?) and i’m thinking i ought to start at least narrowing it down a bit.
ok, i’m not wandering around with nothing to do. i do have my own business (that may have changed since we last spoke) and it’s paying the bills (shameless plug www.cakespc.com). i love doing what i do but i want more AND that’s where the “more” comes in.

so i’m back to that same question. i know what i’m good at and what  i like. the question is “can i put the two together” AND even more importantly, “can i make money doing it?” if i could make money being a sarcastic jack ass, i’d have it made!

God does NOT hate fags

Hey Fred…FYI…God does NOT hate fags. As a matter of fact, God MADE fags. Even better, God LOVES fags and anybody else who might be your neighbor…even Baptists from Westboro Church. To borrow a phrase recently made popular by an ex-witch…I am you. Yes Fred, I am you. Not the asshole, bible thumping jackass part but the human part. We are all humans. Something else Fred, we are born gay. I know you’ll find this hard to believe BUT why would anyone in their right mind choose to be gay and make themselves targets for idiots who think picketing soldier’s funerals is the right thing to do. Yes Fred, you may have the right to free speech but what about the responsibility to act like a respectful human. What would Jesus do? Not what you do, Fred…Jesus has a heart and a soul. Those are two things I’m afraid you were born without.

wtf…witches and bullies and tea parties, oh my!

wtf! now we have witches running for office, candidates against illegal immigration hiring illegal immigrants (and then not hiring them), cyber bullies doing the unthinkable: showing a kid having sex on the internet, tea party candidates giving morality lessons (thank you, jim demint) and obama pretty much taking the blame for everything…i think we all need a scoop of bluebell ice cream for a down home country day and chill…

so…let’s all step back a minute.

big deal that someone dabbled in witchcraft 20 years ago. does that make her a witch? do we really know? did clinton inhale? what i find funny about the whole thing is that miss O’D thinks she has to address this via campaign ad.

meg whitman hired and then fired an illegal alien to clean her house…funny that part of the story was omitted explaining that the illegal had false documentation and there was really no way whitman could’ve known. when does the media start taking responsibility for skewing the news?

have people just lost their minds when it comes to the internet? is everything fair game because you can? could anybody in their right mind really think it was ok to stream video on the internet of a kid having sex? how about think before you post next time, jack asses?

and thank God for jim demint or i wouldn’t know that i’m immoral. last time i checked i only had one God and he is most definitely not jim demint nor would he judge me in any way. but good luck with that…

last, i’m not overjoyed with the job obama is doing but could anyone else be doing a better job? yes, he has certainly misdirected his efforts but seriously, this country is broken and it isn’t going to be fixed overnight or in a year…cut the partisan bull crap and let’s work together ( she said naively)…

ok…i’m ready…aim, fire!

negative energy or forgiveness

forgiveness kicks negative energy’s ass every day!

sometimes, doing the most mundane things like mowing the lawn, i have an epiphany…nothing mind numbing or earth shattering but an epiphany nonetheless. when i finally decide to let something go, it turns around for the better…TWICE, that’s right…two times this week i finally said “uncle” about a couple things that have been haunting me and bang! that’s when it all does a 180 and things turn out better than i could’ve imagined.

so what’s my point? very simply…don’t waste time on negative bullshit…it just makes you feel crappy for an extended amount of time and probably really doesn’t serve anyone anyway. let go sooner so that you can get on with the important stuff…life.

God and the Lexus?

so i was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was telling me how she was having difficulty these days. she is very religious and i seem to be leaning toward spiritual so the conversation turned to God. she said that she wanted to just leave it all in God’s hands but that at times it was difficult to do so. in my infinite spiritual wisdom i gave her an example…

me: you know how a Lexus has the parking feature and you just let go of the wheel and it does it all for you?

her: yeah…

me: why don’t you look at this the same way and let go of the wheel. if you keep holding on or you grab the wheel midturn you’ll back into the car behind you…

her: did you just compare God to a Lexus

me: um yeah…i think so…

her: (silence)

thank God (no pun intended here) that she knows me so well and knows i meant nothing sacrilegious BUT i still think it was a really effective analogy…

when i grow up?

the other day the wife and i are driving somewhere and i asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up and she says…”i’m almost 50! i’m too old for that now.” that kind of caught me off guard. it made me mad AND sad at the same time. why? because i’m not that far behind her at 48.

i personally think  my best is yet to come. i think i haven’t become what i’m going to be when i grow up and that i haven’t quite refined my place in the world yet. so i started thinking how sad it was that someone not yet 50 thinks they are too old to be what it is they want to be in life. hell,someone at 50, 60 or 70…when is the age you’re too old to be what you want to be? as far as i’m concerned, we never get there…

what do you guys think? should we just curl up and keep going through th motions after we hit a certain age? i don’t feel like i’m old AND i certainly don’t think i’m too old to be whatever it is i’m gonna be…

Roller Coaster of Life…Say What?

yes, boys and girls…I have been on the roller coaster of life for the past few weeks and let’s just get this clear…i HATE roller coasters! i have been going through a little something something here for the last couple three weeks and i think i finally got the weird looking carny guy with the eye patch and omnipresent cigarette hanging from his snaggle tooth mouth to stop the damn thing and let me off…let me explain. not that i’m calling myself the weird looking carny guy with the eye patch and omnipresent cigarette hanging from my snaggle tooth mouth BUT i am the one who stopped the ride. i had been feeling like a loser, baby, jack ass with no confidence in myself…pathetic, big fat party of one! anyway, after driving my wonderful, patient and still with me wife crazy and moping around for way too long, i cranked that ride to a full on stop and got off.

wow lisa, that’s great…why tell us?

well, this is a good story…who of us hasn’t had a crap thing happen that you didn’t expect to knock you off your feet and then had to act like your little scrappy dog when she tries to get up on the bed and pull your sorry ass up? i guess few if any…

the moral of the story is “stay off roller coasters if you don’t like them AND in the event you get on one and don’t realize it, either give the amusement park “associate” some money to stop immediately OR take the controls yourself and stop the dang thing”. you will feel better; i promise.

ok, gotta go find the little kid that was holding my purse and soda while i was on the ride…the soda was nearly full for crying out loud…

it just doesn’t matter…

repeat after me…it just doesn’t matter…what doesn’t matter? the little things that happen in your life to knock you off your track. a new friend i recently made said that “Every exit is an entrance to somewhere else. When you have obstacles and have a door close on you, another door opens. Don’t cry over the missed opportunity, look forward to the new opportunity and move on with your life.” (Kytka Hilmar-Jezek)

i believe that things are being presented to me and showing up in my life and i’m on this crazy ride. even though i hate rides (i’m the drink and purse holder at amusement parks, etc.) i’m getting on this one.

so like i said…it just doesn’t matter but it really does because these little things may be those exits Kytka is talking about. once i get over the initial hurt, anger and whatever other stages i have to go through, this gives me peace knowing that it’s a change in direction. just knowing that has already got my wheels turning and helped to ease some of those feelings that have been taking from me for the last week or so…

of course, there’s also wine and chocolate…